Never again

Something about me that I'm NOT proud of - for as long as I can remember, I haven't been able to grow my fingernails very long because I've always picked at them. For the past few years, it's always been when I'm nervous or anxious about something, but unfortunately those kinds of situations come up an awful lot and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop. It was a reflex and I just couldn't help it.

But a few weeks ago, I was attempting to study at the kitchen table in our apartment and I looked at my nails and I was floored at how horrible they looked. Like, really bad. And this sounds silly and trivial, but if I ever meet a boy and we ever decide to get married, I would be ashamed to wear an expensive engagement ring, drawing attention to my ugly fingers. Plus, I'm so jealous of the girls wearing cute, trendy nail polish colors!

So I decided to stop, right then and there. The next morning in my logic class, I don't think I was nervous about anything, but I could not stop thinking about my challenge to myself, and it made the tips of my fingers almost itch! It was so hard to resist but I knew I had to suck it up!

Tomorrow will be three weeks since I stopped and I feel like this is it. I've stopped for good. My fingernails are growing and they look good! I plan to buy some drugstore nail polish soon to do a DIY manicure for kicks. I'm so proud of myself! I know that's kind of sad but I really, really am. I'll now feel a lot less self-conscious when I shake someone's hand and to me that's worth it.

Another weird habit that I'm not exactly proud of but whatever - I play with my bellybutton a lot. Sadly, a habit that used to just happen by myself or around my parents is happening in public! I'm sneaky about it I think and it's pretty rare but still. I think this habit has increased since I stopped picking at my fingernails so I guess it's a trade-off!(?)

I just wanna sit ...

I just wanna sit in my bed, cry and read food blogs.

Actual quote from yours truly as I walked up the steps of my apartment. Haven't shed a tear yet but it might be coming. But don't worry about me -- I need a good cry. Don't we all?

I worry about everything, so it's no surprise that I worry about things such as being a cat lady. Julia, the sweetheart she is, just told me that I wouldn't be. Thank you! But what if I am?? Well if we were playing my new favorite game, the Worse Case Scenario game, then I could cook whatever I wanted for dinner and watch my TV shows ... but I'd much rather fight over the remote than be alone with kitties who can't talk, no matter how adorable they are.

So what is the point of this post? Your author is a bit tipsy (eerbody in the club gettin' tips!!) but I think it's something that's on everybody's minds: I've been a (semi-good) person, I'm not horribly ugly, where's my (for the time-being) significant other? Am I uglier than I thought? That could be it, but I don't think so. I think he is out there. I think I am as awkward as fuck though and he is going to have to think I am awfully special to want to stick around for the awkward crap.

Congrats if you actually read through all this ridiculousness. I love you all. I love my friends. I love chips and salsa. Worst case scenario, I can just read food blogs all night and don't have to worry about what my boyfriend wants to do. Can I get a hellz yeah?!

Thankful

So it's really easy to get caught up in the negatives of life, and dwelling on those things is only natural I guess. But lately I feel like I've been TOO down on myself, and why should I? Life is short and should be celebrated!

Also, last week was Thanksgiving of course, and so in honor here is a list of things I am thankful for. Enjoy!

1. Gchat/Gmail. Not only is my ice cream themed background adorable and always makes me happy, I love to chat and keep up with my friends! In fact, I'm currently snuggled in bed talking with my friend Katie and catching up on life.

2. That I live in America - and that America is not the type of place where (barring hurricanes, etc.) disasters happen all that often. Sure people get sick here, but reading about things like the Cholera outbreak in Haiti recently make me even more thankful to be in this country.

3. Opportunity! So I just applied to law school - SCARY. And obviously, I really want to go and hope I get in! But I'm thankful that a. I have the ability to try for these sorts of things and b. if it doesn't work out - I have the opportunity to do something else ... what else I don't know.

4. Beer. I'm thankful for beer. Doesn't get much more American than that.

5. I'm thankful for my family (I just taught my mom how to do a <3>

6. My jeggings. Go out and buy these. I think your life will change. Mine sure did.

Happy December First! It's a fresh start - but don't forget that so is every single day. Peace out, girl scouts!

What if ...

I don't get into law school?

I'm minorly freaking out, and listening to Glee mash-ups on repeat.

I KNOW there are alternatives to law school. Many of which I have pondered. And I always think OK I can do xyz ... but when I think about not getting in, I still freak out.

Yet, I freak out when I think about applying and the golden handcuffs. When will I not freak out?

But there's no point in freaking out now. I guess I should cross that bridge when I get to it. It's about as useful as freaking out every time I get into my car that I will get into an accident. You can't control who's out there on the roads - you can be careful but there's no guarantees. I can do the best with my applications as I can (and let's face it, the most important parts, GPA and LSATs, are already done with) but I can't make any guarantees after I hit submit.

All I can do is proofread proofread proofread and keep on breathing. And one more listen of Singin' in the Rain/Umbrella mash-up can't hurt.

Mish-mash

1. So I desperately want to finish up my 100 Favorite Things. However, a lot of that involves dragging out the camera to take pictures, and y'all know I'm really lazy. I need to start just taking pictures of everything so I always have a stash, eh?

2. I am recognizing more and more that I have control issues. As in, I prefer greatly when things go my way. I feel like this has developed over time, because I don't remember feeling this way even up til a few years ago. But the main thing is that I've developed control issues over the cleanliness of my apartment. Is that weird? Any tips on dealing with that because sometimes I feel like Francine in that episode of Arthur when she gets so angry that her head just blows off and flies into outer space? Anyone? Couldn't find a visual aid, but I bet the episode is up there on Youtube ... now if only I could remember which one it is.

But I don't want that to happen, even metaphorically. Any tips on how not to lose your head over a dirty apartment??

3. Twitter is only slightly taking over my life. I follow so many people that there is always a constant number of updates! I need to close the tab on my internet browser and only check it periodically. Otherwise I'm constantly looking at it!

4. Thanksgiving break is SO CLOSE. Shout out to my New Orleans homies, yo.

Thanks, Shelby, I stole this from your Facebook. And thanks, Hannah, for so many Thanksgiving memories. All I had to say then, and all I still have to say now is - there are so many arms in this picture!

I can't wait to eat lots of side dishes and pies (because those are my fave parts of the meal) and watch copious amounts of Bravo and read for pleasure! Oh man, I love breaks.

I am moving to Singapore ...

... not really. But if everything else fails (no grad school, no job, no husband [not that I would get one in the next year but whatever]), I will.

Because chewing gum in Singapore is ILLEGAL.

Hallelujah!

See - no joke. Singapore does it right, yo.

I like...

I like apples and peanut butter.
I like chocolate chips and peanut butter.
I guess peanut butter's OK, too.
I like gchat.
I like daydreaming about the future.
I like living in the moment.
I like black coffee.
I like jeggings.
I like to-do lists (and crossing things off!).
I like removing the lint from the dryer.
I like laughing.
I like blogging.
I like you!