Thoughts and a triumphant return

I such a bad blogger. Oopie! But considering the fact that getting my booty to the library to do philosophy reading won't be happening mighty soon, thought I'd do something semi-productive, amirite?

OK, so I just had kinda sorta an epiphany. Well, basically I realized that I should just shut the fuck up when it comes to post-grad plans -- because I do have a rather good option on my plate. Maybe I should stop crying about whether or not I should go to law school or try to find a job/internship, because some of my friends don't have any options at all! I'm surprised they haven't choked me yet, quite honestly.

Even now as I write this though, I'm still not 100 percent sold on law school. I wish it was all like a logic proof, but sadly, it's not. There's not one clear cut answer. On the one hand, I'd save myself a helluva a lot of time and effort not applying for internships. I'm a second-semester senior, honestly I just want to do my homework as quickly as possible and do a lot of weeknight drinking. Also, going off on the matter of wasting time, that would turn all of my LSAT preparation (all two times of it!) into a big waste of time. Although, since in the real world things do change and don't always go according to plan, that means theoretically something probably was a big waste of time.

Moving home isn't the worst thing in the world. I mean, it's not like I'm from Bumsville, middle of nowhere, USA. As much as I like the mid-atlantic region of Richmond/D.C., it is COLD. It snowed (not a lot though) in the middle of the night, and it's almost April for goodness sake. New Orleans, although cold enough to satisfy my winter wardrobe cravings, is certainly balmier. And I've got the art of hair straightening down to a science so my puffy locks of high school are dunzo. And on the other hand, who says I have to STAY in NOLA once I'm through with school? Yes, Civil Code versus Common Law yada yada, but you can technically take the bar exam in any state, really. A big headache I'm sure but seriously what isn't these days.

Also -- lawyers make BANK. Am I motivated by money? Yes. Am I ashamed? Only a little. Could I eventually make the big buck$ doing something else? Possibly. But my vision of 10, 20 years down the road as working in a PR firm is a bit hazy. But I can clearly see myself being a lady lawyer. And if I don't end up meeting my dreamboat (Jewish doctors/lawyers I am still looking, but I'll take anyone seriously) I want to be able to support myself and be able to afford to go on singles cruises ya know?*

Wow. I think WAY too much. About things like these and what I'm going to eat for dinner, not about ConLaw or Philosophy or what not.

*Um, that's a joke. Patti Stanger says those things are no way to meet a man. I need to be a millionaire so I can join her Millionaire's Club, really.

Return

Hello blogworld - I'm back! And this is my 100th post, too. Excitement, right?!

I love this cat. He was on my birthday card and he is so excited for life. I keep it on my desk because this kitty makes me happy! He's da best, if a bit blurry.

So college is winding down. Fast. Graduation is three months away. A quarter of a year. Going from college to, well, not-college, is going to mean a ton of big changes. But I feel like the big changes have already started happening.

I'm not sure when it happened, but slowly but surely I have become a better version of myself. Not to put my old self down, but I'm more confident and more comfortable with myself. Case in point - I just came back from the gym. On a Friday night. Old me would never have done that. Because it's not "cool" to go to the gym at that time. But who cares! When I walked through the doors I realized that I wasn't going to be judged by anyone. Because after all, anyone who saw me working out was choosing to go to the gym at an uncool time as well! Instead of drinking too many empty calories (which I did Thursday and most likely will be doing tomorrow) I burned them off. Win!

If someone invited me hang out with them, would I? For sure! But I'm just as fine staying in by myself, I've come to realize. Especially since I have two episodes of Glee to catch up on.

I want ...

My 22nd birthday is coming up on Tuesday. Besides being an excuse to eat cake and be the center of attention and all that great stuff, my birthday also signals the chance for new beginnings.

Like New Year's, I look at birthdays as a fresh slate of sorts. Maybe because it's literally a new number, but I like to use these days as jumping off points -- maybe re-invention is too strong a term, but I like that I can tweak the things I'm not happy with. Although I believe every day is a chance to start over and be your best self, it's fun to start a new year and a new age with the right attitude.

The experts say instead of resolutions you should choose goals; tangible things you can measure progress for and achieve. I don't have any real goals for my year of being 22, but rather, things I want in my life.

I want to give myself great manicures.

I want to keep my room clean.

I want to concentrate while studying and not let my mind wander.

I want to write more.

I want to cook.

I want to end the fat talk and learn to love my body.

I want to become better at making small talk.

I want to spend both quality time with my friends and by myself.

I want to go to bed knowing that I accomplished something, no matter how small, with my day.

Never again

Something about me that I'm NOT proud of - for as long as I can remember, I haven't been able to grow my fingernails very long because I've always picked at them. For the past few years, it's always been when I'm nervous or anxious about something, but unfortunately those kinds of situations come up an awful lot and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop. It was a reflex and I just couldn't help it.

But a few weeks ago, I was attempting to study at the kitchen table in our apartment and I looked at my nails and I was floored at how horrible they looked. Like, really bad. And this sounds silly and trivial, but if I ever meet a boy and we ever decide to get married, I would be ashamed to wear an expensive engagement ring, drawing attention to my ugly fingers. Plus, I'm so jealous of the girls wearing cute, trendy nail polish colors!

So I decided to stop, right then and there. The next morning in my logic class, I don't think I was nervous about anything, but I could not stop thinking about my challenge to myself, and it made the tips of my fingers almost itch! It was so hard to resist but I knew I had to suck it up!

Tomorrow will be three weeks since I stopped and I feel like this is it. I've stopped for good. My fingernails are growing and they look good! I plan to buy some drugstore nail polish soon to do a DIY manicure for kicks. I'm so proud of myself! I know that's kind of sad but I really, really am. I'll now feel a lot less self-conscious when I shake someone's hand and to me that's worth it.

Another weird habit that I'm not exactly proud of but whatever - I play with my bellybutton a lot. Sadly, a habit that used to just happen by myself or around my parents is happening in public! I'm sneaky about it I think and it's pretty rare but still. I think this habit has increased since I stopped picking at my fingernails so I guess it's a trade-off!(?)

I just wanna sit ...

I just wanna sit in my bed, cry and read food blogs.

Actual quote from yours truly as I walked up the steps of my apartment. Haven't shed a tear yet but it might be coming. But don't worry about me -- I need a good cry. Don't we all?

I worry about everything, so it's no surprise that I worry about things such as being a cat lady. Julia, the sweetheart she is, just told me that I wouldn't be. Thank you! But what if I am?? Well if we were playing my new favorite game, the Worse Case Scenario game, then I could cook whatever I wanted for dinner and watch my TV shows ... but I'd much rather fight over the remote than be alone with kitties who can't talk, no matter how adorable they are.

So what is the point of this post? Your author is a bit tipsy (eerbody in the club gettin' tips!!) but I think it's something that's on everybody's minds: I've been a (semi-good) person, I'm not horribly ugly, where's my (for the time-being) significant other? Am I uglier than I thought? That could be it, but I don't think so. I think he is out there. I think I am as awkward as fuck though and he is going to have to think I am awfully special to want to stick around for the awkward crap.

Congrats if you actually read through all this ridiculousness. I love you all. I love my friends. I love chips and salsa. Worst case scenario, I can just read food blogs all night and don't have to worry about what my boyfriend wants to do. Can I get a hellz yeah?!

Thankful

So it's really easy to get caught up in the negatives of life, and dwelling on those things is only natural I guess. But lately I feel like I've been TOO down on myself, and why should I? Life is short and should be celebrated!

Also, last week was Thanksgiving of course, and so in honor here is a list of things I am thankful for. Enjoy!

1. Gchat/Gmail. Not only is my ice cream themed background adorable and always makes me happy, I love to chat and keep up with my friends! In fact, I'm currently snuggled in bed talking with my friend Katie and catching up on life.

2. That I live in America - and that America is not the type of place where (barring hurricanes, etc.) disasters happen all that often. Sure people get sick here, but reading about things like the Cholera outbreak in Haiti recently make me even more thankful to be in this country.

3. Opportunity! So I just applied to law school - SCARY. And obviously, I really want to go and hope I get in! But I'm thankful that a. I have the ability to try for these sorts of things and b. if it doesn't work out - I have the opportunity to do something else ... what else I don't know.

4. Beer. I'm thankful for beer. Doesn't get much more American than that.

5. I'm thankful for my family (I just taught my mom how to do a <3>

6. My jeggings. Go out and buy these. I think your life will change. Mine sure did.

Happy December First! It's a fresh start - but don't forget that so is every single day. Peace out, girl scouts!

What if ...

I don't get into law school?

I'm minorly freaking out, and listening to Glee mash-ups on repeat.

I KNOW there are alternatives to law school. Many of which I have pondered. And I always think OK I can do xyz ... but when I think about not getting in, I still freak out.

Yet, I freak out when I think about applying and the golden handcuffs. When will I not freak out?

But there's no point in freaking out now. I guess I should cross that bridge when I get to it. It's about as useful as freaking out every time I get into my car that I will get into an accident. You can't control who's out there on the roads - you can be careful but there's no guarantees. I can do the best with my applications as I can (and let's face it, the most important parts, GPA and LSATs, are already done with) but I can't make any guarantees after I hit submit.

All I can do is proofread proofread proofread and keep on breathing. And one more listen of Singin' in the Rain/Umbrella mash-up can't hurt.